"I would love to order the truffle fries, but I just can't handle the calories right now. With our trip to Florida coming up, I'm really trying to watch my figure, you know?" While this comment might seem like an innocent observation, such body-critical, weight-loss-focused, and food-vilifying remarks can make friendly gatherings and celebrations suddenly triggering. For those dealing with an eating disorder, in recovery, or somewhere in between, eating meals that aren't entirely under their control can be anxiety-inducing. The added element of a social setting with friends or family only adds to this worry.
Eating disorders are deeply rooted in personal thoughts and heavily influenced and distorted by external factors such as family, friends, and the media. These influences bombard individuals with messages about the "ideal" body, the latest fad diets, and meticulously curated images of models to compare ourselves against, all shaping one’s relationship with food. Constant comparisons to others can ignite, fuel, and challenge our relationships with food.
When sharing meals with peers, where external influences are inevitable, people with complex relationships with food must be intentional. This involves acknowledging personal boundaries, being comfortable engaging in dialogue with those you are dining with, and being aware of the situation. By doing so, individuals can navigate social meals more mindfully while prioritizing their recovery journey.
Personal Boundaries
Understanding personal boundaries involves knowing the restaurant you will be visiting and anticipating the type of meal you will have, such as by checking the menu in advance to find safe options. It's also helpful to have designated coping mechanisms for if the meal becomes overwhelming, such as breathing exercises, established conversation topics to divert uncomfortable discussions, or knowing to take bathroom breaks to reset. These strategies can make navigating social meals more manageable.
Additionally, personal boundaries include recognizing the level of discomfort you are willing to endure during a meal, such as the extent of negative body image or diet culture talk you can tolerate. By understanding your personal comfort levels, you can more easily determine if a social meal is manageable or potentially too triggering.
Practicing self-compassion is essential, acknowledging that recovery isn't always linear; it requires effort and setbacks to succeed. One challenging meal with a friend does not mean you are destined for a life of meals in solitude; instead, it can act as a learning experience for future meals with friends and family.
Knowing Your Dining Partners
Managing social meals may require different approaches depending on where you are in your eating disorder recovery journey. In the early stages of recovery, feeling comfortable with your dining companions is essential. This means being able to say things like, "Can we not talk about X, Y, Z? It makes me really uncomfortable," or, "Let's change the topic," to gracefully steer conversations away from triggering subjects. Comfort also means that making these requests won't negatively impact relationships. When you have a complex relationship with food, meals with friends and family requires supportive dining companions who understand your situation and needs; these people must also prioritize you having an enjoyable dining experience.
Being Aware of the Situation
Lastly, when sharing meals with friends and family, it's important to recognize that the meal should be a meaningful time spent with loved ones. During social meals, focus on catching up, making memories, and enjoying quality time together. Meals should not be a triggering event or a time to compare body image or relationships with food. Shift your attention from the food to the social aspect of the meal. Engage in conversations and activities that emphasize the joy of being with loved ones. Mindfulness techniques can be beneficial, helping you stay grounded in the present moment and focused on shared quality time, rather than getting caught up in disordered thoughts.
Just as companionship shapes much of human interaction, sharing meals should be no different. However, when dining with friends and family, your only companions should be those at the table, not irrational thoughts, unnecessary competition, or disordered eating habits of your subconscious. By being intentional and acknowledging personal boundaries, knowing your dining partners, and being aware of the situation, social meals can become enjoyable settings where the one guest not present is one's own disordered eating thoughts; social meals simply exist as time spent with loved ones.
References
Drevitch, G., & Karoll, C. (2024). Navigating Social Situations During Eating Disorder Recovery. Psychology Today.
Gordon, S. (2024, July 12). Navigating Social Events During Eating Disorder Recovery - Eating
Disorder Solutions. Eating Disorder Solutions.
Comments